


all that's left is a ghost of you

by shecouldbeamazing



Series: doctor who drabbles [4]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s07e05 The Angels Take Manhattan, Gen, Goodbyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-08
Updated: 2013-06-08
Packaged: 2017-12-14 07:13:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/834160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shecouldbeamazing/pseuds/shecouldbeamazing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes he hated beginnings, too.<br/>They just made the endings hurt that much more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all that's left is a ghost of you

**Author's Note:**

> Something I wrote after watching The Angels Take Manhattan all those months ago. I thought I'd put it on here. Here. Have some feelings.

He’d found himself at her door, her old house, the lights were off and it was freezing. It was odd knowing that this was the night it had all started. He remembered parking the TARDIS, years later but only minutes for him, there before whisking her off on her first adventure. He remembered being in a suit and top hat with a white scarf around his neck, and being here.

The house with too many rooms and the girl whose life didn’t make sense.

There were so many memories. For just a moment, he stood there and closed his eyes. He wanted to remember for as long as he could.

After a while, he saw her. Little Amelia Pond, waiting in her garden all alone.

He saw her and nearly ran to her, grinning ear to ear. He saw her and started telling her a story.

He’d told her about the days to come and for that one moment, everything was better. He saw her eyes light up for the last time.

_The last time._

He shook his head and willed the tears away. She’d have to be patient, he’d told her. It would all be worth it in the end.

Walking through those empty halls and knowing it was just him inside this too big box now, he hoped that it was.

Amy is happy. _Was_ happy, he corrected himself. She was off somewhere in New York with Rory. This wasn’t something to be sad about.

Except it was. There would be no more Ponds running with him or causing him grief or kissing at inopportune times. He’d used up all his days.

He couldn’t bring himself to tell Brian or Amy’s parents. It was too soon and even if it wasn’t, he was sure he wouldn’t be able to look Brian in the face.

_Just bring them back safe._

He had one job. One simple job and he couldn’t even do that. He could never do that. Keep the ones he loves safe? Impossible.

…Why was it always impossible?

_It can’t happen like this. After everything we’ve been through, Doctor. Everything. You can’t just drop me off at my house and say goodbye like we shared a cab._

_What’s the alternative? Me standing over your grave?_

The memories wouldn’t ever leave him alone. The image of their grave would haunt him for as long as he lived. It shouldn’t have ended like that.

But he should've known it would end. Everything always ends. The Doctor had been running from it so long, he didn't bother preparing himself. 

When he left Amelia, he went back to his ship and stepping through the doors, it felt so much bigger and emptier than ever before.

The lights slowly flickered on as he walked into the TARDIS wardrobe. And...something about losing Amy and Rory…something snapped within him. He shrugged off the tweed like it burned him. He threw it on the floor and tugged at his bow tie.

Every time he’d look in the mirror he’d remember. And, right now, he wasn’t ready to.

_Well, I just saved the world... the whole planet for about the millionth time, no charge, yeah, shoot me, I kept the clothes._

_Including the bow tie?_

_Yeah, it's cool. Bow ties are cool._

The Doctor sat down and put his head in his hands.

He hated endings. He hated everything about them.

_Everything has its time. And everything ends._

They just wanted to go to New York. They seldom ever went to America. They just wanted to have coffee, read in the park, see the statue of liberty and then they’d leave.

New York. The city that never sleeps. The name alone should’ve steered him away. Before it was Daleks. Now Weeping Angels. What made him think going there a second time was such a good idea?

America was dangerously close to becoming one of those areas he avoided.

What was killing him now was he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Everything was still fresh in his mind. He needed someone, but he would never admit it. He needed someone to distract him. Someone new, but no. He can’t drag anyone else into his life.

_Don’t be alone, Doctor._

He sighed, remembering.

I do need someone.

But they don’t need me. They _shouldn’t_ need me.

He straightened up and started looking through the piles of clothes scattered everywhere. Spotting something blue, he grabbed it and gave a soft laugh. It was the raggedy shirt and tie he’d worn when he’d first met Amy. He thought he’d thrown it away.

_Are you a policeman?_

_Why? Did you call a policeman?_

Too soon, Doctor, too soon. He thought to himself as he started thinking back to the beginning.

Sometimes he hated beginnings, too.

They just made the endings hurt that much more.

He put the old shirt down and shrugged on a jacket, a darker, longer one and he grabbed a top hat.

He tied his bow tie back on. He’d worn one for so long, it would be odd not to have it.

Taking a cane along with him, he strode out of the room and out into the hallway.

He needed to get somewhere far away. A place where no one knew who he was.

That wouldn’t be so hard.

No one knew him these days.

Flipping through the levers on the TARDIS console, pressing buttons, and holding on for dear life, he tried pretending he was having another one of his adventures while the Ponds were sleeping. He’d go and see River and everything would be as it should be.

For a while he remembered.

As the TARDIS landed and he stepped out onto Earth, he gave a small grin, one that didn't quite reach his eyes.

This surely would cheer him up.

It was Christmas.


End file.
